 |
| Oh, there you are, Mr. Mantasy. (This is Cristiano Ronaldo...even straight dudes love this guy.) |
Shhh. The wait is over. It's peanut butter jelly time.
It's been too long, I admit. For that I apologize, but there is no need to be stubborn and try to fight your craving. I'm back now, sitting on the couch watching Mike 'Ferrari' Vick go absolutely crazy. He is a stud muffin. He loves touchdowns more than dog fighting. Too obvious? Fine, I'm rusty. He loves DeSean Jackson more than a Chilean miner loves a television camera. Too topical? He loves scoring more than Mystery. Too obscure? I'm trying. Give me a break.
Anyway, The Mantasy League has undergone many facelifts over the last few weeks. There have been trades, waiver moves, tough losses, and of course, some glorious victories. Let's take a look at the standings and think over things calmly.
| The Grundles | 7 | 3 | 0 | -- | |
| Chris Henry's X-Treme Parkour | 7 | 3 | 0 | -- | |
| The Ghostface Spiller | 6 | 4 | 0 | 1 | |
| Milk Steak and Jelly Beans | 5 | 5 | 0 | 2 | |
| That's gold, Jerry! Gold!!! | 5 | 5 | 0 | 2 | |
| Gym, Tan, Smoosh | 5 | 5 | 0 | 2 | |
| Bowener Licious | 5 | 5 | 0 | 2 | |
| Debbie Dumps Dallas Clark | 4 | 6 | 0 | 3 | |
| I'm Going to Rape You Peter | 4 | 6 | 0 | 3 | |
| Tony No Romo | 2 | 8 | 0 | 5 |
There are three weeks remaining, which means that only Tony No Romo is playing spoiler. The remaining teams are all in the mix. Let's speculate and predict and stuff:
-Week 12 sees The Grundles face off against Parkour. I don't have to be the guru that I am to tell you that (barring a tie) one of these teams is guaranteed to suffer a loss.
-The Grundles also play Peter's Raper and Jerry's Gold, meaning three crucial match-ups for Mr. Ross.
-The symmetry for Parkour is outstanding, with Judd facing Debbie and Bowener.
(I point these specific schedules out because the field could easily continue to close after next week.)
As for week 11...
-Debbie and Peter's Raper are backs to the wall against the top teams. Wins mean everything as they create parody and keep their owners in control. Losses may not be the end, but would not be comfortable.
-Smoosh and Bowener play the game of the week. Both teams look primed, but only one can continue the surge. This is one to track.
-No Romo looks to play spoiler to Milk Shake, but there is more in play here - What has happened to this team? The players are there, but the results are not. Think of them as the Dallas Cowboys of this league, with the namesake an ironic exclamation point.
-Spiller takes on Jerry's Gold in a rematch that should see a disgruntled Ghostface look for redemption. Jerry needs gold here.
 |
| Fantasy Football: Like playing chess on this guy's face. |
THE PLAYERS
The owners get the credit, but the players are the pieces that corner the kings. Let's see which players have helped and hurt each team.
Smoosh
Queen: LeSean McCoy
Pawn: Ray Rice
Bowener
Queen: Brandon Lloyd
Pawn: Ryan Mathews
Milk Shake
Queen: Hakeem Nicks
Pawn: Beanie Wells
Jerry's Gold
Queen: Peyton Hillis
Pawn: Joseph Addai
Spiller
Queen: Roddy White
Pawn: Shonn Greene (but really C.J. Spiller)
Parkour
Queen: Jason Witten (but really Arian Foster)
Pawn: Michael Crabtree
Debbie
Queen: Jamaal Charles
Pawn: Jay Cutler
Peter's Raper
Queen: Purple Jesus
Pawn: DeAngelo Williams
No Romo
Queen: Joe Flacco
Pawn: Pierre Thomas
Grundles
Queen: Terrell Owens
Pawn: Cedric Benson
 |
| MAY THE GODS BE WITH YOU. |
No comments:
Post a Comment