Hear Me Now

Correction: It is also for girls who used to beat up those kids.

I was recently asked by my girlfriend, "So, what do you all talk about when you talk about sports? I mean, my brother and my dad talk forever about football and baseball, but I don't know what they say to each other, they just talk for hours." Ah, yes. The mention of two men (let alone a father and son) rambling on about sports makes me smile. However, I do not want to make it seem as if a Mantasy is something that is reserved for men, so I will drop the following caveat: Mantasy, believe it or not, is a gender neutral term, but my girlfriend was simply observing something that many women have noticed...men, on the whole spend a ridiculous amount of time talking sports, and this is largely due to the growing popularity of fantasy sports.

So what is being said? Good question.

The bottom line is that I do not know what we all talk about because I'm never listening. In my opinion, the fantasy or deep sports dialogue is the best kind of conversation that two people can have because it is totally self-satisfying. The two sides of the discussion are mutually independent in a beautiful way. Take a look:

Mantasy Junkie #1: You know, the best thing about my draft is that I waited on a bunch or wide receivers and stockpiled running backs early...and it worked! I had a feeling about Hakeem Nicks and now I have a really strong starting lineup.
Mantasy Junkie #2: My best pick was Arian Foster.
MJ #1: I also hit on Zach Miller.
MJ #2: Think Gates' ankle is bad?
MJ #1: He'll be fine. Hey, how about Calvin Johnson? He is going off.
MJ #2: Fuller is making a run. I'm glad that I played him early. He's rolling.
MJ #1: I'm on a three game winning streak.
MJ #2: I really need a big game tonight out of MJD. I keep winning, then losing, then winning.
MJ #1: When do I play you?
MJ #2: Not sure. Week 10? I play, Rick, Pete, then Wakeham. I'll be lucky to go 2-1, but if I lose all three I'm in trouble.
MJ #1: I have a big matchup this week.

Neither of us can hear, I'm just not greased up. Yet.

And on it goes, day after day, week after week. Each comment is processed quickly and used as a jumping off point for some other, not totally relevant point. It is like carrying out a conversation in one's own head, except that there is actually somebody there listening. Or rather, imitating listening. I hear women say that they don't understand it, but I know that they do because (as I've mentioned before) there is a female owner in my fantasy baseball league and the Mantasy overtakes her just the way it takes over us all. I have discussed batting averages and BABIP with her, but I could not tell you with any certainty what she said. This is what makes fantasy so great - I don't care what you think, really. I stand by and hear you out, but only so that I can have my turn. And then, on Sunday, when Roy Williams catches his touchdowns, I'll boastfully say, "I told you he'd go off," even though I know you weren't listening.

You have to have a Mantasy to understand exactly how this works, but whether it be running, cooking, art, or Dungeons and Dragons, Mantasies can take many forms. If you have too much to say about a particular topic or hobby or whatever, you are in serious jeopardy. Fantasy football is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. Just the tip. Indeed.

A Mantasy captain.