I Killed Mike Vick

I believe in Fantasy Gods.

I am not a religious man, at least in the traditional sense. As a child, I used to pour small glasses of orange juice and place them next to the bat that used in Little League. The anthropomorphism of my bat was less childish than it was totally insane. Like Jobu from Major League, I made citric offerings to higher beings in order to keep my bat firing at a modest Little League clip - .800 batting average and 5 stolen bases every weekend. My success legging out infield ground balls and stealing two bases at a time is likely the reason that my adult self fully believes in appeasing the Overseers of Fantasy. I know it is silly. I try to tell myself I'm kidding. Then I kill Mike Vick.

Now he knows how the dogs felt. Sorry, Fantasy Gods, I didn't mean that.

I should not have written such a glowing piece on him, I see that now. The Gods stirred in their cloud castles and must have been appalled that a player with his background was being held on such a pedestal. Well, they took him down a peg and I owe Vick owners an apology. I broke one of my own rules.

The rule is simple. You can talk numbers, past and future, and you can talk about pretty much anything that effects the fantasy realm, but you cannot, in any case discuss injuries occurring to players that you do not own. I brought up the likelihood of Vick's hamstring busting I paid for it in two ways.  and then my Ferrari broke down, which is bad for my viewing experience, and Andre Johnson sat out. I'm sure Johnson was sipping Mai Tai's in a suite saying to his neighbor, "That Mantasy Man better keep his mouth shut about injuries because I could get used to this." Well Andre, be my guest, sit out for the Giants game next week.

I hope you have a Fantasy Modeling Team.

Not really. Drop 26 points on them while trying to come back from the savage drubbing that Eli has given you. [I'm Mantasizing, let me be.]

But I digress. This is no laughing matter and I am not joking - do not step on the toes of the Gods by wishing injury upon another. In fact - as I have learned - it is best to keep those thoughts out of your head all together. Just ask Chandler, who predicted injury to a player of mine that I shall not name. He has learned the hard way that the Gods will not hesitate to leave you at 1-3 because the Dolphins ignore the run and Devone Bess will have nine receptions. They are cruel and merciless, but the Gods are very real and we must all be humble.

With the 24th pick, Krishna selects DeSean Jackson. Suck it, Shiva.