Rationalizing an Irrational Game

I watched football yesterday with Judd, the owner of Chris Henry's X-treme Parkour. I call him Judd most days of the week, but on Sundays I like to refer to people by their fantasy football team names. In this case, I'm torn between Judd being Chris Henry, Parkour, or X-treme Parkour. I don't love calling him Chris Henry, but not because it is the name of the late troubled Bengals wide receiver, but because there is no good reason that my friend's name is Christopher Henry. When I call him X-treme Parkour, bystanders know that something special is going down. That is how like it.

He has all the makings of a Mantasy League member.

Come to think of it, when it comes to The Mantasy League, I use nicknames for all the members. There is MJ Jew, Debbie, Dangle, Smoosh, Grundles, Bush-Bowe, Jerry, Milk Steak, Ghostface, and of course the aforementioned Parkour. This is all part of the culture, which I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. Hangin with another league member and watching way too many games to follow maximizes the experience. Spending time in the bar, texting friends, talking smack, and acting smart is what football Sundays are all about.

All of this is controllable, however, and perhaps the best thing about Sundays is the randomness of the whole thing. The Lions putting up 44 points on the Rams - while not important to the landscape of the NFL in any substantial way - is surprising. I had read (and believed) that the St. Louis Rams defense was a good start. They had consistently put up double digit points and Bradford had received so much praise throughout the week. Then the Lions went berserk. It was irrational to think that the past would predict the future. Many smart people have explained that this this is quite hard to do, but people crave rational outcomes and, for some reason, expect the NFL to provide them.

Parkour is the kind of owner that is good to have at your side you when you watch your favorite team. We are both Giants fans and so this Sunday we settled in to watch the Giants go at it with the Texans. This was a pleasurable experience. At 21-3, with the Texans driving in the first half, my mind started to think that this game made sense. I had memories of the Giants' latest Super Bowl run. The defensive line looked ferocious, Foster was a non-factor, and Schaub was being harassed like a reporter in the Jets locker room. (Snipe.) "Justin Tuck wrote a book," I said to Judd. "It is titled Where the Wild Things Are. It's an autobiography." He looked unimpressed and reminded me that a touchdown would make it an eleven point game. He was right, of course, I was becoming irrational. Knowing the Giants, this game would likely become close. But it didn't. It never became close. The Giants killed the Texans in what was likely one of the most irrational outcomes of the day.

Justin Tuck's autobiography.

The fun of fantasy rests firmly with the irrational. The job of the owner is to make as much sense of the game as possible, but it is hard to account for the Justin Tuck, the Lawrence Timmons, or the Clay Matthews. These players change games and ultimately effect fantasy performers. On paper, Chris Johnson's performance against the Steelers a few weeks back was cause for concern, but if you watched that savage defense play that day, you know that there is is nothing wrong with the Prawn. The same is true for Arian Foster this past Sunday.

But how are we to know when our players are going to run into a problem like this? We don't, really. The big problem is less that we don't see these variables coming, than it is knowing when to fear them. Take Matt Forte as an example. Forte without Cutler is bad news, but the Panthers are bad. Parkour, the owner of Forte in The Mantasy League had to make the tough call - Would the Panthers get their first win against a Cutler-less Bears team? Would the Bears lean on the run without their starting quarterback? How do these things effect Forte? At the end of the day, the one thing that no one predicted or saw coming ended up being the answer...Forte went off for 188 total yards and 2 touchdowns. Prior to Sunday, Forte's high for rushing yards with 50 in week 1.

The Steelers have an L.T. of their own.
Timmons is always a fantasy variable.

So with another week down, we can look forward to watching next week's games because they are as unpredictable as early M. Night movies, but we will have to settle for never really knowing what our Mantasies will look like week to week. Matt Forte should go crazy against Seattle next, and two weeks from now, Frank Gore should tear up the Panthers, but the Seahawks will be watching Forte and the Panthers will be coming off their bye week, so who knows? All we can do is embrace the chaos and hold on for the ride.

I'm about to settle into this Monday Night game that features story lines such as Randy Moss making another trip to Revis Island, Rick needing Purple Jesus to score 17 fantasy points, the Vikings needing a win to avoid being 1-3, and whether or not we have all seen pictures of Brett Favre's penis. I don't know what to think or expect anymore; my Mantasy is getting too big for its britches. What I do know, is that I love Clay Matthews and I think he looks like Jay of Jay and Silent Bob.

Snoochie Boochies, Clay Matthews.

Now that is totally irrational.