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| From left to right: Debbie Clark, Milk Steak, Dangle, District 9, MJ Jew, Rice Penis |
The Mantasy is man-oriented by nature. I'm proud of this and I hope that you are too. The picture above shows several Mantasy League legends. In this post, I would like to present a feature of the Mantasy blog that will be entitled, IT SOUNDED LIKE TWO GUYS HAVING SEX. In these sections, two male team owners will face off in a high-level, high-intensity analytic battle.
So I don't seem as crazy, here is the reference for title that I chosen.
IT SOUNDED LIKE TWO GUYS HAVING SEX: VOLUME 1
RICK v. PETE
For the first installment, I am choosing Rick and Pete, and I challenge anyone to question this choice. Aside from being good friends and part time lovers, these two squared off in the championship last year and deserve our attention. On a personal note, I drafted at my apartment with Judd and Sabo, and nearly every time that I said, "Good pick," or "Fuck, I wanted that guy," it was one of these two who had made a savvy decision. I love them, I fear them, but most of all, I respect their Mantasy prowess. For reference here are their drafts:
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The first two rounds:
If Rick had a plan for this draft, I guarantee that it went out of the window when he found DeAngelo Williams staring at him in the second round. I am already on record as stating that I think Williams represents first round talent, but I would like reiterate that it is shocking how late he fell. I would point fingers, but it falls on just about every owner who feels thin at RB and had a shot at him. It becomes relevant then, that Pete did not take him, opting to go after Reggie Wayne. Wayne received some pre-draft scrutiny from other writers, who cited his huge first half and pedestrian second half, but it is this blog writer's opinion that those writers are full of more semen than the Queen Mary II (Seriously, wiki that bitch. I'm pretty sure she had one of the first documented abortions in history - and I believe she had two. She called them 'phantom pregnancies', but I'm calling her out. Slut.) I'm more focused on Reggie Wayne's first half, the half when he was a total stud...the half when he was healthy. If he isn't old or hurt, Pete should be plenty happy to pair his talents with Frank Gore. Still, after two rounds, Rick's RB tandem is, in the words of Craig Giammona, dom-dialectic.
The RBs:
After the hot start, Rick waited until the sixth round to grab a flex player, Felix Jones. In the eighth, he took Ricky Williams, then took Hightower and newly upgraded backup Rashad Jennings. Jones and Williams should provide good flex points, but neither is a sure thing. Felix the Cat is a homerun hitter and is known to have his low scoring weeks. Williams is an old pot head and nobody can rely on one of those.
On the other side, Pete spent his third round pick on Jamaal Charles. Now, I'm into this dude. Like, I'm super dirty sexy into him and almost took him with my 20/21 pick, so my analysis on him is a bit partial. Still, what I liked about him pre-draft - speed, power, youth, pedigree - I still like about him now. I think this was a good pick and makes for lovely one-two with Gore. Sure, Thomas Jones is lurking at the goal line, but talent usually wins out and I'm guessing he is good value at 26. At 55 - a steal, in my opinion - Pete got hot rookie, Jahvid Best. With Montario 'No, I'm not a Shakespearean character' Hardesty going down, Pete has been left with three RBs and no backups. Good backs as they are, he is fine for a while, but Best has been known to get hurt and Kevin Smith is one year off a strong rookie season. There is some uncertainty here.
Edge: Rick
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| Run, Ricky, Run. |
The WRs:
I won't get into the deep bench wideouts, as I doubt that many of them make a difference, so I'll focus on the relevant ones. Pete chose Marques Colston at 35 and just several picks later, at 42, Rick landed Ochocinco. With only DeSean Jackson between them, I think this demonstrates a tier separation as much as any juxtaposed picks could hope to demonstrate. On one hand, Colston is in a terrific situation with the Saints and is a sturdy pick with some room to improve. On the other, Ocho has a QB with arm strength concerns and is part of a run-first attack. The Bengals may change their approach, but Colston is better head to head. What's more, Rick drafted a bowl of hot doodoo after that, including unemployed Housh and sleeper Massaquois. Aside from being hard to write, those are two iffy backups. Conversely, Pete loaded up with Santana Moss, Jabar Gaffney, Jacoby Jones, Fake Wes Welker, and Vincent Jackson. Clearly, this is a huge amount of depth and for that reason Pete has an edge at this position. Still, the starters - Wayne/Colston v. Fitzgerald/Ochocinco - are close.
Edge: Pete
The TEs:
Rick has my personal number one ranked tight end in his pants, but when it comes to fantasy football, Pete has the best tight end in the biz. Aside from Gates, Dallas Clark stands alone. The combination of Clark and Wayne ensures a high basement each week out of the two positions. Tony Gonzalez is another strong choice, but I am one who feels that Turner will steal a bit of his thunder. Gonzo is also facing the gruesome shackles of time, which are tightening upon his route-running ankles and restricting his pass-catching wrists. He likely isn't done yet, but Dallas Clark is a modern day Tony Gonzalez and that says it all. Oh, and Pete is harboring Shiancoe, who I think will be a huge bust, but on the bench, who really cares.
Edge: Pete
The QBs:
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| The guy on the right is important for Rick's Mantasy quarterback. Without cheating, can anyone name the guy on the left? |
Neither has a backup quarterback, which is interesting. Perhaps another time I will assess the breakdown of the Mantasy League's QB ownership, but not now. As such, this one is easy: Matt Schaub is better than Jay Cutler. I'd rather hang out with Cutler, I think, but when it comes to throwing balls accurately, I'll take the Texan and his immense wide receiver buddy, Andre Johnson.
Edge: Rick
Personally, I think it is fruitless to look at defenses and kickers at this point. Defenses always shake out differently than we expect and so I'll skip it. At the skill positions alone - with a focus on the starters - it is clear that Rick and Pete have playoff caliber teams. Putting them up against each other is almost unfair. As we saw last season, they don't have to play each other every week and that is too bad for the rest of us, but they are still competitors and must be analyzed. Who knows how the details develop, but on paper I'm rolling with the perpetual champ and the team that has the better QB and the three first round-worthy players in Fitz, DeAngelo Williams, and Purple Jesus.
Outcome:
Sex: Do Your Balls Dangle Low?
Weightlifting: Debbie Does Dallas Clark
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| Hebrew. Hammer. Champion. |
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