It was a busy week for Pirates stealing from Ninjas at the running back position.
Brett Favre vs Adrian Peterson
Favre is a special type of Pirate – a Butt Pirate! He threw two interceptions at the goal line in Week 2 against Miami. Two interceptions! At the goal line! Two!! And that’s with the best running back in the league standing behind him. Inexcusable! Despite this setback, Peterson finished with 26 Mantasy points, but it very well should have been 38 were it not for Favre’s consistent inconsistency and selfishness. AP did get an opportunity to shine late in the fourth quarter with six consecutive runs but was stuffed from one yard out with the game on the line. It was curious to watch and something tells me that the salty seaman Favre sold that drive’s game plan to the Dolphins in return for a piece of Channing Crowder’s booty.
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| Somewhere on Sunday, John Madden was weeping. |
Leon Washington and Julius Jones vs Justin Forsett
Pirates often travel in packs while Ninjas are solo operators. So it’s obviously never a good thing for a Ninja when he runs into two hardened bandits. Despite his emergence at the end of the 2009 season and the fact that he has averaged 5.8 yards per rush this season, Forsett still finds himself in a sloppy running-back-by-committee situation in Seattle. In Week 1, Forsett got seven carries of the team’s 21 total carries and gained 43 of the 73 yards, and then in Week 2 against Denver he received eight of the 17 carries and galloped for 44 of the team’s 88 rushing yards. Despite showing in two consecutive weeks that he is the best RB on the Seahawks, that scallywag Pete Carroll continues to give Washington and Jones undeserved gifts like they’re a member of the Bush family.
Jason Snelling vs Michael Turner
In Week 2 against Arizona, Turner racked up 75 yards on 9 carries in the first quarter and was on his way to a monster day before tweaking his groin. Snelling came on to replace The Burner and torched the Cardinals’ D for 37 Mantasy points. The Grundles could only watch in disappointment as their top pick stood on the sidelines, and word following the game indicated that Turner could have reentered the game at any point but the coaches instead chose to ride Snelling’s hot hand. Snelling obviously is blackmailing the Falcons coaching staff. My guess is that he stole Mike Smith’s treasure map and won’t tell Smith in which potmark on his face that the treasure chest is hidden.
Marshawn Lynch vs CJ Spiller and Fred Jackson
Lynch is a Pirate! No seriously he’s a real fucking pirate! Look at the dude! Scary! Anyways … Lynch surprisingly became the Bills’ feature back in Week 2, and left Spiller and Jackson watching for approaching buccaneers up in the ship’s crow’s-nest. Some people in the media, right or wrong, have proposed that it was done in an attempt to feature The Beast in front of the Packers who are in need of a running back. Whether that is fact or myth, it doesn’t change the reality that Spiller has been relegated to eight carries for nine yards on the season. While Jackson remains a viable Mantasy option with Lynch in the fold, his value is certainly far from what it could be. There is some irony in this story as it was Jackson who was the Pirate to Lynch’s Ninja not too long ago. It’s a fickle world on the high seas.
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| Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Mommy!! |
Mike Tolbert vs Ryan Matthews
It’s reported that Matthews has a high ankle sprain which is bad news for Christo. While a high ankle sprain is usually an injury that keeps a player on the Questionable list and in the fold for a few weeks, ultimately the contribution from that player over that timeframe is minimal. Tolbert should continue to collect on Matthews’ pain like any healthy Pirate would. Sadly, a few ill-timed injuries to the Bowe-ners have left the squad ripe for the picking. Probably a good time to act on that waiver wire promise, huh?
Thomas Jones vs Jamaal Charles
Fuck you, Todd Haley!! Seriously! Fuuuuuuck. You.
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| Suck it! |
Submitted by Debbie Does Dallas Clark
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